Tearing Off the Mask
by Petra Megami Assari
Summary: Shonenai. A look at Relena's and Heero's public life and how Relena learned that being a hero doesn't matter as much as being able to stand in front of a crowd and say that this is who she is.


Petra: When I first saw the title of this song, 'Somebody's Fool', I immediately thought of Duo Maxwell. I don't know when I changed it. I just know that, after reading it again, it didn't seem to fit him so well. And then it evolved. I'm beginning to be disturbed by how many fics I'm writing that are Relena POV... "Mommy, I'm scared!" *giggle*  
Kati: *glares* You are so...  
Petra: *quickly ties and gags before anymore can be said* Yes, yes, you can talk to them later. OUCH!! SHE BIT ME!!! ... with the gag on? How in the hell did you do that?  
Kati: *grins evilly through gag*  
Petra: Read before she *OW!* kills me! *ACK!*  
  
DEDICATED: To everyone, in the hopes that you may also someday take off your mask and dance on it, until it is nothing more than a bad memory and dust.  
WARNING: Relena POV (don't ask why, I don't know) and shonen-ai  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Gundam Wing (Kati: Trowa... *drool*) -_-; ... Anyways, I also do not own this beautiful, truthful song copyrighted by Evanescence.   
  
-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-  
  
Tearing Off the Mask  
  
"I offer you all that I am, and the illusion of everything else." -Uru-chan; Promises Under the Influence (GW)  
  
-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-  
  
/}{\ Perfect by nature ~ Icons of self indulgence ~ Just what we need ~ More lies about a world that… /}{\  
  
Really, I should have known better. I know that I'm smarter than that but, perhaps, I deliberately fooled myself into believing… Maybe because I needed someone to believe in. Maybe because I needed someone to love. Maybe Heero was just at the right place, at the right time. I don't know. Heero seemed so perfect, though. The way his hair seemed so perfectly uncombed, how even though he was skinny and bony, a person knew he was strong. How his eyes flashed with so much emotion even if his face remained stony. He seemed… perfect. It seemed, to me at least, that God had taken every beautiful thing and every strength mankind had and put it in him. My hero.   
  
We're a people of self-indulgence. We want all of our whims satisfied. I may act as though I'm ditzy, but I know this better than anyone. If a woman wants to be Queen of the World, she has to know how people work; I know that we like to indulge in things we shouldn't, like drinking and smoking. I liked to indulge in the whim of chasing Heero. I knew I shouldn't, of course. It was silly for the former Queen of the World to be chasing a boy all over creation but I did it anyway. When we give into these self-indulgences, though, we're just creating lies. We're trying to stay away from the truth and, in the process, we create more lies until even we can't see with eyes unclouded anymore.  
  
/}{\ Never was and never will be ~ Have you no shame? Don't you see me? ~ You know you've got everybody fooled /}{\  
  
We needed a hero in this war, and Heero fit the description perfectly. He was a scarred and tortured soul with a stony face and heart-filled eyes. He was absolutely perfect… and that's where we failed. No one is perfect. I think… No, I know that even he had himself fooled into believing he was perfect. It's so easy to believe that the hero is a perfect because, if he's human, if he's normal, then that means he can make mistakes; that means he can do bad things and no one wants a hero who isn't 100% good. Heero's realized that he isn't perfect though, that he's a human just like the rest of us. He's trying to keep up the façade, though. Lord, knows, he's trying; if he would just look up, though, he'd realize that we've both been playing parts in this great big play. We've both been fooling everyone into believing we're something we're not. We need to stop but I don't think we know how.  
  
/}{\ Look here she comes now ~ Bow down and stare in wonder ~ Oh how we love you ~ No flaws when you're pretending ~ But now I know she… /}{\  
  
I didn't realize it, either, but I've been playing in this façade just as much as Heero has. Stupid, to think that we're in control, very stupid. I played the part of the heroine, the pretty little diplomat who, in the end, would get with the hero and all would be right in the world. A little sarcastic voice in my head can't help but laugh at me each time I go into public; each time someone bows down or a little girl stares in wonder. Nothing makes me that special. Nothing, except that I also have to pretend to be perfect. Each morning, I walk outside, and as I pass by the mirror in the entryway, I stop and look, wondering if today will be the day my mask cracks. Will they finally see the flaws?  
  
/}{\ Never was and never will be ~ You don't know how you've betrayed me ~ And somehow you've got everybody fooled /}{\  
  
How did Heero and I fool them this long? Amazingly enough, how did Heero fool them this long? I'm a diplomat, I've had practice in the art of pretending to be something I'm not, but Heero, my hero, he's just a soldier. Maybe, he's stuck and just doesn't know how to get out anymore. I do remember when I first realized that he'd been fooling us. When I realized that I thought he was something he never will be nor ever was. I felt so betrayed, like he had been lying and fooling me in particular; then I realized, that it wasn't just me, hell, the only reason Heero was doing it was because of everyone else. I don't know how he pulled it off, nor do I think I'll ever know. It will be one of those great mysteries I will mull over and wonder at but even at the beginning, I knew I would never find the answer.  
  
/}{\ Without the mask where will you hide ~ Can't find yourself lost in your lie ~ I know the truth now ~ I know who you are ~ And I don't love you anymore /}{\  
  
Once I realized that Heero wasn't who he pretended to be, it didn't take me long for me to figure out that he wasn't the only one playing a part and wearing a mask; I was pretending to be a princess I wasn't. Heero realized it a long while ago, and I just have to wonder how much longer he's known. Before, when we didn't realize it, we were happy, or at least had fooled ourselves into believing we were. Now, I fear we're stuck and it's too late to back down. We're stuck as people who, I'm sure, if we were to meet in real life, we would punch but… we can't get out of it. I realized something else that day, something that I never thought I would ever think. I realized that I didn't love Heero. Nor would I ever. We are the last couple in the world who should get together, I mean, we're completely unsuited for each other. We're stuck though. I have to pretend to love Heero and he has to pretend to care, even though we only see each other as friends. Now, we go to dinners, hold hands, give small pecks, and then go to separate homes, pretending to bemoan the fact that we can't be together. The public keeps waiting for us to get married and they're going to keep waiting. Heero and I both want children but not with each other. Even if we were going to get married, if for some strange reasons we decided to do so, we don't want to bring children into a loveless marriage… so we are at a standstill… but knowing that glint in Heero's eyes and the 5PM conference call, I get the feeling it won't be for long.  
  
/}{\ It never was and never will be ~ You're not real and you can't save me ~ Somehow now you're everybody's fool /}{\  
  
I thought that he couldn't save us. I thought that he was pretending to be the hero, but, now I know, he is the hero, even if it's just for my soul. I don't think I'll ever forget this day and I wouldn't I want to. Today, Heero stood in front of a crowd of fans, reporters, and fellow soldiers, tore off his mask, threw it to the ground, and stepped on it; all the while with a smile on his face. Then, so clearly there was no doubt and in his beautiful, blunt way, he said, "I have been fooling myself until a few years ago. I have been fooling you my entire life. Now, it is time to come clean. I am not a hero; I am Heero Yuy. I do not love Relena-sama and she does not love me. In fact, I am in love with someone else and that someone else is a boy. If it bothers you, I do not care. I am tired of caring, especially of pretending to care. It is time that this stopped and, today, now, it ends." He locked eyes with me. "I will no longer fall to your whims. This is my life. I will live it, not the public. From this day forward, forget who you thought you knew. That wasn't me. This is." Then, with the people screaming questions at him, he walked across the platform, pulled Duo Maxwell up on the stage and, in front of a speechless crowd, kissed the stunned boy.   
  
It won't be easy for me to let down my mask, but I took one step forward, let one crack show, when I stood front of that crowd and gave the happy couple my blessing and protection. It's a bumpy road, with many twists and turns but, thanks to Heero, I can walk it without being too afraid. I will fall but, I've learned, that's half the fun. Heero made himself a fool and unclean, according to many churches, but he is free and, when I saw him afterward, I realized that's all that mattered. He made himself into everybody's fool but, in the process, he set so many people free, myself included. I can never thank him enough so, instead, tonight when I go to a diplomatic dinner without him for the first time I will take another step, let myself fall once more. I will go to dinner in jeans and a green tank top, with my hair down, and if I do not think that someone is worth listening to, in the middle of his speech, I will walk away. I know Heero will hear about it and smile, because I am not a heroine and I am tired of pretending to be one. Then, someday, I will smile as I finally step up to the podium and, pronounce in a voice, clear and firm, "This is who I am."  
  
-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-  
  
IMPORTANT NOTE: For those of you that wish it, DUE TO MY SPORADIC postings, I am offering you, the readers, A MAILING LIST to sign up to. When I finally UPDATE, I will SEND OUT AN EMAIL informing those of you that are on the list that I have finally updated. I need you to EMAIL me, telling that you wish to sign up, and whether it's for ORIGINAL FICTION or FANFICTION. I WILL NOT accept those people that ask to be up on it in a review because I can't be sure that email is real. The mailing list will ALSO OFFER the TITLES of those works that I am posting, the COUPLES (if any) that are in it, which FANDOM it is from, and whether it is a SEQUEL to anything.   
  
-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-._.-  
  
Petra: *singing* Kati is a brat...  
Kati: Hey! *starts stalking toward Petra*  
Petra: Um... okay... gotta go. R&R!! And, by the by, if you liked this check out my other one 'Precious Gifts'.  
Kati: *glares* They'd better R&R! I was up till one in the morning making Petra write this... HEY!! GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE!!!!  
  
"I dream of a day when I can open my eyes, and my dreams won't disappear."   
-Rose Marie Ledam  
  
~Petra Megami Assari~  
*The Gentle Tiger Goddess* 


End file.
